I just listened to a Real Life talk with Terry Real and Caron Starobin on couples therapy with neurodivergent folks.
Understanding Neurodivergence
Neurodivergence is a big topic now. People with ADHD, autism, learning disabilities and many other diagnoses fall under this category. Their brain functions differently from neurotypical people. They may have a hard time remembering what they said they would do. They may find it hard to answer open ended questions.
This is not their fault.
One of the takeaways from listening to the conversation is to slow down, ask how it lands. Additionally, if something does not click for the person with neurodivergence, tune in and adapt how you speak to them. For example, instead of asking: ‘What do you want out of the relationship?’ try saying: ‘Give me two ways your relationship could be better.
Practical Tips for Neurodivergent Couples
For example, someone with ADHD has a harder time remembering things, but that is not an excuse. They can use ‘scaffolding’ to help them with tasks. Luckily, we all pretty much have smart phones that have alarms, reminders you can set, or sticky notes you can plaster on doors and walls. Nevertheless, you still need to be accountable for your behaviour.
Supporting Your Neurodivergent Partner
As the partner of a person with neurodivergence, it is important that the way they are isn’t their fault. For example, if someone with autism needs very precise information, that is not something you can change. You need to give them the grace. You need to talk to the part of you that gets annoyed at, and support your neurodivergent partner by talking to them the way they can hear you.
It is an interesting topic.Therefore, through my work as a speech-language pathologist, I have a strong understanding of neurodivergent clients. Do not hesitate to reach out!