Keeping all the balls in the air

I am sure you know what I am talking about: it is hard to settle because there are so many things to remember to do. I have heard it from my clients, and I experience it myself. It is hard to settle because we don’t want to forget anything. There is always a different thing to do. It keeps me at a certain anxiety level, because of the fear that if I just relax, I would miss things. 

Does that sound familiar? 

Here is a different image to the balls in the air: 

In a recent plant medicine session, I have come to experience all the different tasks to do, all the different interests I have, all the different directions I am going into as strands that form a mess of a ball. The energy feels flighty and restless, because I don’t want to forget, I stay vigilant in case there is more to do. Some interests that are important to me don’t get proper tending to because I am not able to prioritize them because of all the worry around forgetting something else. 

Having had that realization, and seeing all of the elements in my life as strands, I had the image that I can make a beautiful tapestry out of them. I can straighten the individual strands and place them down carefully. They can then be sorted into different colours and woven together. Then I don’t have to have the messy ball anymore. I can perhaps discard some strands that I no longer need. 

Laying down and straightening out the strand is equivalent to caring for them and sending them love, knowing that they are important to me, and that I will tend to them. But not in an anxious way. 

Keeping something in mind in an anxious way, has guilt in it. 

But when it is lying down, it just feels like I said yes and it has joy in it. 

So now, since my medicine journey, I am trying my best to slow down and tend to my tapestry. There is more space, there is more contentment. There is more orientation and less chaos in my being. I know better what is important. And one of those things is to feels less hectic.