A friend of mine has introduced me to 5-MeO-DMT, the hottest new psychedelic out there. He discovered it as an enhancer to Buddhist Nature of Mind meditation.The substance can show you the nature of reality, and the ability to rest in awareness. I had brought a vape pen with 5-MeO to our house and asked if we wanted to try it. We are curious and all had a turn, just taking one of two puffs while lying down, either gazing at the ceiling or closing the eyes. I was transported to the universe, to a place without bounds and reference points. At least I had a glimpse of it. 

We bought vapes, so that we could do trips on our own. 

5-MeO is a synthetic compound based of the venom of a desert toad called Bufo Alvarius. It is sometimes called the god molecule, since it gets you into a non-dual state where every thing becomes one. The trick is, we have parts that resist that, of course! A lot of our parts certainly hold on to our identity for example. That’s a big one that we build all our lives creating! We spent so much time putting energy into developing our identity. Sometimes it feels like that’s all we do. And once we defined our identity, we have to send a lot of more energy protecting it. So much of it is bound in these games of figuring out who we are from the standpoint of identity. 

This  certainly came up for me during my last trip this morning. I had parts that were scared to take more puffs. I wasn’t sure if I could let myself go into the space fully. I had set a timer for 35 mins. My plan was to take this journey for that amount of time, building the intensity by vaping a number of times, letting the intensity of the space build. It’s hard to describe. While it feels vast it also feels like letting oneself fall into a single point. 

So just like in IFS (Internal Family Systems), I can do some work on my parts resisting. 

Even on the outer plane, there was this observing part deciding if I could handle more puffs. I also had other parts that reminded that I had set a timer to encourage me to go into a more intense experience, rather than just into a taste of it. But the part got enough of a glimpse, that they felt they couldn’t do it. Then I felt some despondency, as I felt like to be fully awake requires me to go through fear into fearlessness, to go into groundlessness and give up all kind of control. 

There was a lot of kindness, too. It felt wonderful to feel the necessity to be in the nervous system, to have all experiences go through the nervous system, ease up. It felt that my consciousness is not just tied to my body, but that having a body is just a fact, but it’s not the main thing. It felt I was getting close to just hanging out in the universe, that there really isn’t anything to do to be awake. Just relax into the fundamental nature, that is here all the time. Most of the time, I don’t notice it, because I am busy planning my day, cooking supper or walking the dog etc. Those tasks require a doer and something to be done. There is duality. And from that duality comes a need for identity, and now we are full circle. Yes, so most of the time, I think I am Maya in there, and my experience is based on what I do in my life. In contrast, during my trip, it was more that consciousness is all around me and I am part of it, so I can let go off that small feeling of being separate. Yes, but that brings up fear! But I know it has be done eventually by all of us! I can do it as much as the next person. But my ambitious parts wanted it to be done right there and then!

However, that would be a tremendous task! Just let go of everything! What if all kinds of stuff will suddenly flood through me, because I have given up all blinders and ways to limit what comes in? 

I know there is further to go. The glimpses I got from a 15 min session were tremendous. To integrate the experience, when I feel triggered into not feeling perfect, I remind myself that this life is just a tiny part of consciousness. There is so much more to what we are seeing while clinging to ego! 5-MeO is a very worthy guide in showing me what I need to let go off, to be rewarded with complete oneness. 

Dear 5-MeO teacher. Me and my parts will be back!