Love relationships have the single-most impact on how happy we feel in our lives.

How safe do we feel with our partner? What habits and behaviours trigger us?

The more they ...., the more we ... . (fill in the blanks: the more they rage, the more we withdraw. The more they nitpick, the more we put up our wall. The more they stonewall us, the more we complain... to mention but a few dynamics that happen between couples). 

I am a Level 3 trained couples therapist in Relational Life Therapy (RLT) developed by Terry Real. I am in his internship program to become certified. 

 In this approach we pay attention to power dynamics, and aim to create equality between partners. Sometimes one partner has more of a tendency to feel 'one up' and the other is more 'one down'. One of the partners may be more walled off, the other may lack boundaries. Thus we explore your specific unique dynamics that make up your relationship. 

The approach also focuses on repair from rupture. When we had a fight or disagreement, when we feel that we are not in harmony anymore with each other, we need a way to get back there. We practice such new skills and also ask you to use them as needed in your life. 

RLT also pays attention to our neurobiology. We learn to pay more attention to our nervous system and what state it is in. Do we feel calm and safe or unsafe, triggered, in fight or flight or shut down? How can we learn to self-regulate to get back to feeling safe? 

What RLT is also great at is doing Inner Child work with one of the partners while the other is holding space for their parts holding childhood wounds. This is so essential, because we get triggered in relationships. What comes up is not what is right in front of us, but something that happened to us when we were a lot younger. We can heal those wounds in the presence of our partner, which fosters empathy and connection.